Fall leaves Oct. 28th 2014

10/28/14


Hello blog world
This weather is so amazing, yet painful.
The fall leaves have changed colors, and I find such a down to earth connection to the changes. It's quiet here, and I can hear the wind, and wind chimes, the leaves sound like rain landing on the roof.
My body is failing me more and more each day, but my spirit seems to be gaining strength. When the weather changes so does my pain level. On painful days I have gimp legs, no longer wanting to support me, no longer wanting to allow me to walk normal. But that's ok I push on through, and keep on trucking as they say. Tomorrow we are going on a nature walk. I can do this pain or no pain, I'm going and I'm walking through the woods. I feel like I need to really soak in each and every moment. To breath in the life around me. For once maybe just maybe down deep inside me there is a slight gratefulness for being alive, for still being here. I am going back to my roots. Awakening the Shaman within me. I have always known I was a healer, a wise woman, the crone. But now it seems really important for me to fulfill that calling. I think its because my body is failing me. Going through college to become a massage therapist at times seems like such a waste. I could have quit after my body went to shit. But I didn't! I graduated, and I meet some of the most important people in my life now. I learned more about my healing energy, and how to really focus that energy. Others just didn't seem to understand or get me in college but Margret did, she felt the healing energy that flows through my veils. Wow how I miss her, I can't believe cancer ate her up. I learned from her even in her dying days how strong she really was, and just how beautiful her spirit was. She died with dignity and such grace. Death always my friend, walking so close to the fire I am bound to get burnt now and then. Born with a veil so thin, learning to understand what its like to walk in both worlds. I older I get and the more physical pain I live with, the more my spirit understands.


Haunting pain
runs through my veins
both physical and emotional
like a freight train
each day a fight
but I look out my window
and see falling leaves
filled with such beauty
even though their life
is lived.
The tree no longer needs them
so what is their lesson
the lesson I need to learn
today.
Perhaps its letting go.
Strength is found is letting go.
Yes that's it.
Letting go of how I used to be
letting go of those emotions
that no longer serve me.
Letting go of the things
I used to be able to do.
Learning to just be.
And breath.
Breath through the pain
and breath in the life around me.


Morinanna Wyzard ©10/28/14